Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
