Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
