i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
