I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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