i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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