Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
