whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
