why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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