Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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