it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
