I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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