i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you had me at cake vodka
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
