Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
