Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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