It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
