It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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