it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
