I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
