thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
