If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
