if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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