i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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