my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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