dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
