i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
