The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
