GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
