YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
