That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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