D3 body, D1 cock
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drake has all the answers
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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