He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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