So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Randomize
