Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
