you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Randomize