Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
