That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
