party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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