the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
