Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
