I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
