O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
