Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
