i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
