ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
