My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Houston, we have a blender
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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