I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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