what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
