i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
