God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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