didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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