I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
