My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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