I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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