We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
