Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
